Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
