I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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