haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
