if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
