It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
