Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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