Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
