well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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