Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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