it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
