I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
