she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
