laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
