Can Purell be used as lube?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
