god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
