just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
