porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
