You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
