glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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