I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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