How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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