I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
