I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
