I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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