I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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