I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
