look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
