u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
