I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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