Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
