fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
