WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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