new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
