I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
