dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
