woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
