oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
