he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
