I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
