I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
