Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
