So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
