You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
