Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
