Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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