This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
