bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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