I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
