I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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