singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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