Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
