Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
