you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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