All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
