my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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