we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
