Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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